God bless the GLBT support-group leaders who forwarded out my plea for participants for my thesis survey. Having sent out the "please forward this request for participants" e-mail last Tuesday, I, as of today, have received 23 e-mails from people who want to participate. Of course, this doesn't mean that all of them will actually complete my survey, but considering my goal is to have 30 good responses, I'd say I'm well on my way.
Research is awesome. I can't wait to write this thesis up and be done with it and have a real product.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
A Love/Hate Relationship
I have a love-hate relationship with my graduate program.
The other day, I was working on my thesis, and reading the (very) limited research about my topic which is, incidentally, serving the social, emotional, and intellectual needs of students who are gifted and a sexual minority (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, etc). And as I was reading an article about how there is so little research on the topic, I was thinking, "You know, I care about this topic, and I would love to be involved in something that is truly an emerging topic in the field." I was having delusions of grandeur, and thinking about publishing, and it was, frankly, pretty motivating. I really am enjoying working on this thesis, despite the sometime-drudgery.
But then I thought about how much I despise going to classes and actually being in this field which, to be frank, I don't respect a whole lot. Now, to be fair, I respect gifted education as an academic field slightly more than the wider field of just plain education, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty unimpressed. It all seems so wishy-washy, and, you know, it's a social science, which automatically gives it a bad name. That, coupled with the sorry state of education in general in the United States, doesn't give me too much desire to do much with the field academically speaking.
The ironic thing is, my adviser keeps hinting to me that I should go for my Ph. D. On the one hand, I can see why she would say that. I'm good at school, I'm motivated, and I'm doing well in all her classes (and I've taken four of them with her in my two semesters here thus far). I'm not bragging, but school, especially this stupid program, is easy for me, and always has been. I have the ability and aptitude to get a Ph. D. But it frustrates and stuns me that she doesn't know me well enough to know that I hate this program and wouldn't ever ever EVER think about getting a Ph. D. in education. I would do it in a field I thought highly of (like medieval studies...oh, if only I had stuck with my Latin...).
I think the fact that she knows me so poorly rubs me the wrong way. As the person in charge of the master's in gifted ed program, she currently has only four full-time students. This ratio of adviser to advisee should, at least in my eyes, ensure that we have a good relationship and a high level of communication. We don't. I think there are personality issues at stake (I am a linear thinker and highly organized -- she is a random thinker and disorganized) which adds to my personal disregard for this whole thing. But I just don't feel like she cares about me or knows me. I asked her to help me with licensing in Vermont. She told me to call the state department and make them agree to accept my Virginia license (which I don't have...mine is from Louisiana. And I had already done that. And they said no.). She commented the other day about how it was good that I was getting back into the classroom to I could gain credibility before I go to get my Ph. D., when I told her the week before that I'm not going into the classroom again next year because I can't get aforementioned teaching license. I feel like she's not listening, and I feel like, frankly, she's missing a good opportunity to actually recruit a good candidate for further education...but she doesn't understand that I have no respect for the way things are being handled and I have been turned off.
One of my co-workers at the Center for Gifted Education knows my plight and has encouraged me to speak up. But I told her that I have no yet learned the art of expressing my concerns gracefully and non-accusatorily. The unfortunate circumstances of the situation, namely that my adviser happens to be over-worked and happens to be teaching way more classes in the program than she ever has before, will make my criticism seem personal. And while it is, on some level, there are also program-level problems that just happen to be manifested through her. For example, I feel that the four core courses in gifted education overlap way too much and there is too much repetition. This is only partly her responsibility. On the one hand, I think she could be doing a better job differentiating between the four content areas covered in the classes, but on the other hand, there really IS a lot of overlap, and the program needs to be fixed so there is less. of that. There's only so much she can do when she is handed a course and topic and told, "Here, teach it."
So, the moral of the story is this: I struggle with not fulfilling my potential as an academic, but I truly feel in my heart that academia is not a sector in which I will ever feel fulfilled. I want to speak up and help improve the program, but I am confident that doing so during my time here will create problems for me because I have not developed that talent to give criticism with grace. In the end, I suppose I will just push through, make the best of what I have, and be thankful that at least I will have an advanced degree when all this jazz is through.
The other day, I was working on my thesis, and reading the (very) limited research about my topic which is, incidentally, serving the social, emotional, and intellectual needs of students who are gifted and a sexual minority (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, etc). And as I was reading an article about how there is so little research on the topic, I was thinking, "You know, I care about this topic, and I would love to be involved in something that is truly an emerging topic in the field." I was having delusions of grandeur, and thinking about publishing, and it was, frankly, pretty motivating. I really am enjoying working on this thesis, despite the sometime-drudgery.
But then I thought about how much I despise going to classes and actually being in this field which, to be frank, I don't respect a whole lot. Now, to be fair, I respect gifted education as an academic field slightly more than the wider field of just plain education, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty unimpressed. It all seems so wishy-washy, and, you know, it's a social science, which automatically gives it a bad name. That, coupled with the sorry state of education in general in the United States, doesn't give me too much desire to do much with the field academically speaking.
The ironic thing is, my adviser keeps hinting to me that I should go for my Ph. D. On the one hand, I can see why she would say that. I'm good at school, I'm motivated, and I'm doing well in all her classes (and I've taken four of them with her in my two semesters here thus far). I'm not bragging, but school, especially this stupid program, is easy for me, and always has been. I have the ability and aptitude to get a Ph. D. But it frustrates and stuns me that she doesn't know me well enough to know that I hate this program and wouldn't ever ever EVER think about getting a Ph. D. in education. I would do it in a field I thought highly of (like medieval studies...oh, if only I had stuck with my Latin...).
I think the fact that she knows me so poorly rubs me the wrong way. As the person in charge of the master's in gifted ed program, she currently has only four full-time students. This ratio of adviser to advisee should, at least in my eyes, ensure that we have a good relationship and a high level of communication. We don't. I think there are personality issues at stake (I am a linear thinker and highly organized -- she is a random thinker and disorganized) which adds to my personal disregard for this whole thing. But I just don't feel like she cares about me or knows me. I asked her to help me with licensing in Vermont. She told me to call the state department and make them agree to accept my Virginia license (which I don't have...mine is from Louisiana. And I had already done that. And they said no.). She commented the other day about how it was good that I was getting back into the classroom to I could gain credibility before I go to get my Ph. D., when I told her the week before that I'm not going into the classroom again next year because I can't get aforementioned teaching license. I feel like she's not listening, and I feel like, frankly, she's missing a good opportunity to actually recruit a good candidate for further education...but she doesn't understand that I have no respect for the way things are being handled and I have been turned off.
One of my co-workers at the Center for Gifted Education knows my plight and has encouraged me to speak up. But I told her that I have no yet learned the art of expressing my concerns gracefully and non-accusatorily. The unfortunate circumstances of the situation, namely that my adviser happens to be over-worked and happens to be teaching way more classes in the program than she ever has before, will make my criticism seem personal. And while it is, on some level, there are also program-level problems that just happen to be manifested through her. For example, I feel that the four core courses in gifted education overlap way too much and there is too much repetition. This is only partly her responsibility. On the one hand, I think she could be doing a better job differentiating between the four content areas covered in the classes, but on the other hand, there really IS a lot of overlap, and the program needs to be fixed so there is less. of that. There's only so much she can do when she is handed a course and topic and told, "Here, teach it."
So, the moral of the story is this: I struggle with not fulfilling my potential as an academic, but I truly feel in my heart that academia is not a sector in which I will ever feel fulfilled. I want to speak up and help improve the program, but I am confident that doing so during my time here will create problems for me because I have not developed that talent to give criticism with grace. In the end, I suppose I will just push through, make the best of what I have, and be thankful that at least I will have an advanced degree when all this jazz is through.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Bed-ridden
Lately, I've been lamenting the fact that I don't get sick often. Truly, this is a blessing, but there is something restful about being able to spend a day in bed recovering from whatever ailment afflicts you. When I was teaching, I was better about taking mental health days (they were legitimately necessary) at random, but now, since I'm just doing the part-time assistantship thing and school/classes, it seems a little silly to me to "take a sick day." I'm kind of sick of the whole school thing, but not enough to truly warrant playing hookie.
But, like I've said, I've been craving a day in bed lately, so today, I decided to take it. I slept in, which, to be honest, took a little forcing -- I was ready to get up an 9:00, but I rolled over and crashed for another hour and a half. (I realize that 9:00 IS sleeping in for some, but remember that I am, in some sense of the word, a college student.) Then, when I woke up, I grabbed by laptop, hauled it over to bed with me, and spent some time perusing pictures of bouquets for wedding-planning fun.
I do, honestly, have to accomplish some work today, too, so I've been doing some reading, and I need to go type a journal entry for class, so things are getting accomplished, but it's so nice to revel in being truly lazy. A day of physical (and mental) rejuvenation is just what I needed.
On a completely unrelated note, I got TWO bouquets of Valentine's flowers yesterday (long story, but they are BEAUTIFUL tulips), and a pretty hilarious Valentine's card from Mom. These both made me very happy.
But, like I've said, I've been craving a day in bed lately, so today, I decided to take it. I slept in, which, to be honest, took a little forcing -- I was ready to get up an 9:00, but I rolled over and crashed for another hour and a half. (I realize that 9:00 IS sleeping in for some, but remember that I am, in some sense of the word, a college student.) Then, when I woke up, I grabbed by laptop, hauled it over to bed with me, and spent some time perusing pictures of bouquets for wedding-planning fun.
I do, honestly, have to accomplish some work today, too, so I've been doing some reading, and I need to go type a journal entry for class, so things are getting accomplished, but it's so nice to revel in being truly lazy. A day of physical (and mental) rejuvenation is just what I needed.
On a completely unrelated note, I got TWO bouquets of Valentine's flowers yesterday (long story, but they are BEAUTIFUL tulips), and a pretty hilarious Valentine's card from Mom. These both made me very happy.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wedding Planning
I am planning a wedding. It's a big feat, but made smaller by the fact that said planning is taking place over the course of almost two years. Most recently, I have begun working on my centerpieces, of which part will double as my favors. Here is what I envision:
Vases will be placed on mirrors. Tree branches will be scavenged (mother nature is the best provider of decor), and spray painted silver or white (or both...hmmm). Branches will be placed in vases. Upon said branches will be hung our favors, which are snowflake ornaments.
Now, our wedding is not Christmas-y in the truest sense of the word, taking place after Christmas and during the Epiphany, but I figure the ornaments are wintery enough to be acceptable, and perhaps people will not yet have packed up their Christmas decorations, so they can gently place our little snowflakes in the ornament box for next year.
Beading has been going slowly, but it's fun. Aren't they pretty?
I have also been contemplating walking down the aisle to "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella." It's pretty, and French (like the Affianced), and different. Also seasonal. And I hate "Here Comes the Bride big, fat and wide.)"
All in all, I'd say planning is going well.
Also, I've been trying to find some kind of reflections/meditations, etc. for marriage preparation (in the form of a blog, perhaps?), but have had no luck. Sarah? Mom? Any ideas?
Vases will be placed on mirrors. Tree branches will be scavenged (mother nature is the best provider of decor), and spray painted silver or white (or both...hmmm). Branches will be placed in vases. Upon said branches will be hung our favors, which are snowflake ornaments.
Now, our wedding is not Christmas-y in the truest sense of the word, taking place after Christmas and during the Epiphany, but I figure the ornaments are wintery enough to be acceptable, and perhaps people will not yet have packed up their Christmas decorations, so they can gently place our little snowflakes in the ornament box for next year.
Beading has been going slowly, but it's fun. Aren't they pretty?
I have also been contemplating walking down the aisle to "Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella." It's pretty, and French (like the Affianced), and different. Also seasonal. And I hate "Here Comes the Bride big, fat and wide.)"
All in all, I'd say planning is going well.
Also, I've been trying to find some kind of reflections/meditations, etc. for marriage preparation (in the form of a blog, perhaps?), but have had no luck. Sarah? Mom? Any ideas?
Book meme courtesy of Sarah
Rules:
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.
From The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars by Steven Brust:
"I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I am," he drew himself up and said ironically, "fulfilled as an artists. Okay?"
I would love to tag five people...but as this is a mostly off-the-radar blog, I don't know of five to tag.
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.
From The Sun, the Moon, and the Stars by Steven Brust:
"I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I am," he drew himself up and said ironically, "fulfilled as an artists. Okay?"
I would love to tag five people...but as this is a mostly off-the-radar blog, I don't know of five to tag.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Step, SQUISH
Last night, I went to the weekly swing dance they have here at the Gradplex, and it was, as usual, highly entertaining. Mike, the guy who leads it up, was trying to teach us simple blues stuff, and in trying to describe how to shift your weight to one foot and then pop out your hip, he began to chant, "Step, SQUISH, step, SQUISH," with the SQUISH representing the hip pop. It was completely wrong for what he was trying to convey, but typical of Mike.
But as much as I feel self conscious being a "big girl" when dancing with a partner (and I mean this in the most non-self-deprecating way -- I am not fat, I am just tall and happen to not be a stick), I do enjoy it when someone else is leading and it's very clear what I'm supposed to do, and all I have to do in follow along. Very little thinking, the guy has to do all the mental work, and it's nice. It's so refreshing to have a set of guys around who are strong leads, who have a sense of rhythm and know what they're doing. For goodness sake, I was dipped several times last night by different partners -- I enjoy it when someone flings me around like that. But even those who aren't great yet have a fun time on Thursday nights, and that's good, too. My sincerest hope is that someday, I can convince the Affianced to learn to dance with me (preferably swing), so we can enjoy it together, because it really is one of the most fun things in the world. (Did you catch that, Affianced?)
Tomorrow night is contra dancing, which is vaguely like square dancing. Also a rip-roaring good time, and the best part is seeing Dave and Eric in skirts. It's some contra tradition...and it's hysterical.
But as much as I feel self conscious being a "big girl" when dancing with a partner (and I mean this in the most non-self-deprecating way -- I am not fat, I am just tall and happen to not be a stick), I do enjoy it when someone else is leading and it's very clear what I'm supposed to do, and all I have to do in follow along. Very little thinking, the guy has to do all the mental work, and it's nice. It's so refreshing to have a set of guys around who are strong leads, who have a sense of rhythm and know what they're doing. For goodness sake, I was dipped several times last night by different partners -- I enjoy it when someone flings me around like that. But even those who aren't great yet have a fun time on Thursday nights, and that's good, too. My sincerest hope is that someday, I can convince the Affianced to learn to dance with me (preferably swing), so we can enjoy it together, because it really is one of the most fun things in the world. (Did you catch that, Affianced?)
Tomorrow night is contra dancing, which is vaguely like square dancing. Also a rip-roaring good time, and the best part is seeing Dave and Eric in skirts. It's some contra tradition...and it's hysterical.
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