But life is kind of poopy right now. My cat and husband give me sanity, but my job is stupid and it's really putting a damper on things.
See, I work with kids, and I like working with kids. But the whole professional (or lack thereof) aspect of my job, where I have to interact with adults who are in charge of determining how things at my place of employment run, makes me crazy. Absolutely crazy. Because we're a small non-profit, everyone is expected to just pitch in and make it work and cover for everyone else to get things done, and I'm feeling kind of done with that. I've had a lot of "coverage" (substitute teaching on our planning periods) lately since people have been absent, and I feel like I've been given the short end of the stick as far as scheduling is concerned with a lot of tough kids, and I feel discouraged after an attempt to apply for a position that would have been a promotion, and the position going to someone else. None of these things along are enough to make me dislike my job, but together, they make me insane.
I'm a pretty sarcastic individual, and I'm ok with coming off a little darkly. But in my place of employment, this is a big no-no, and I feel like a miserable and bitter person because it's very frowned upon NOT to be happy-go-lucky and adaptable and flexible all the time. And those three words do not describe me. So in addition to feeling frustrated, there is no one to just sit around and bitch to about the frustration...and sitting around and complaining is key to my coping. It just is. So when I do complain, I feel like a bad person, and when I feel like a bad person, I feel like I don't belong at my job, and when I feel like I don't belong at my job, I feel anxious that my work colleagues think badly of me, and when I feel anxious I get miserable.
So blech.
Here's the rub: The economy is bad. Turns out that's sucky. I'm in a position where I'm working on a plan to return to school full time starting this summer, and working toward my degree and licensure in school guidance counseling. Assuming this plan goes forward, all is well. The problem is, I want to leave my job now. Seriously. However, that would be dealing with 3-4 months of minimal employment on my part. The other unfortunate this is that dear husband has a job, but is currently contracted and not full-time. His teaching position is supposed to go full-time this summer, but it's not for sure yet. And until that is for sure...well, we can't really afford me going back to school.
So I can't quit. But the thought of another trimester at school makes me insane.
So that's where I'm at. Miserable at my job, barely holding my frustration together around my largely-silly colleagues, and wanting to get out without that option right now.
Blech.
On the bright side, I have a kitty.
