I once read this title of an article, aimed at people who wanted to write and needed the motivation to sit down and do so (incidentally, it also sounds like a medical problem, or an episode of "Sex Sent Me To The ER"). In any case, I not only think I have a book inside me, I'm sure of it. Does that mean I have an intention of setting it down on paper? It does not. For myriad reasons, such as 1. I have a two year old. 2. I work full timeish. 3. When I think about how I want to spend my time, it's not sitting down and writing a book. 4. Just because there is something inside me doesn't mean I have to listen to it. There are a lot of things inside me, skills I could tap into and reveal if I tried hard enough. I have an incredibly narcissistic view of my abilities. But I've also learned with age that I don't have to do everything. I'm a grown-up now. I don't have parents I'm required to please anymore (though I still get an intense sense of satisfaction when my father recounts my accomplishments).
The other day, my colleague asked if I had a bucket list. I explained that I did not, because if I want to do something, I just do it. I'm not impulsive my any means, but I just don't lack the motivation to make things happen. Remember that one time I started running in March (from scratch) and completed a half-marathon that same July? That wasn't on a bucket list, I just wanted to see if I could do it. I could.
I did consider, however, that our family could use a bucket list, specifically a travel one. It's very hard for me to get the motivation to plan travel, mostly because travel feels like such a hassle. But I believe strongly in its value, and want the aforementioned two year old to experience the seeing of things the same way I did when we were kids. We didn't take world vacations, but my parents did a fantastic job of loading us into the car each year in the week after Christmas and taking us to places that were within driving distance. We went to St. Louis. We went to Chicago. We went to Toronto. We went to Gettysburg. We went to some town in Indiana that has a giant toboggan run. I want that for Claire, and I think a traveling bucket list would be a good idea.
In any case, the conversation sparked a little twinge to write that's been missing for awhile. So, I'm back. Right at this moment. I know enough not to make promises for the future. It won't be a book...for now. But you never know.
