Putting All My Eggs Into One Basket

Through lack of choice, I have, in the area of friendship, performed the equivalent of putting all my eggs into one basket. Now, my good friend here is fantastic and I'm so glad I met her...but she recently started "dating" a guy who is a friend of ours (I use the word friend loosely, as we have only recently brought him into the fold), and this presents some unfortunate emotional consequences for me.

Now, since they are "dating," I know that is none of my business (except in the supportive "How'd it go? Tell me every detail," way). What I mean is, of course dating involves only two people, and that's totally cool. However, last weekend on their date they ended up with a group of his friends in Richmond, one of whom I've met before, and so it ended up being a big group go-out. Of course, this all happened as the evening unfolded, but the fact that it wasn't in fact the two of them and was actually a group activity made me feel lonely and kind of left out.

The problem here is the intellectual vs. the emotional. Intellectually, I think it's great, and I'm happy for her (not that they're remotely serious, but it's fun to have fun and meet new people), but on the emotional level, I feel kind of sad that my pretty-much-only friend here is having these social opportunities that don't include me. I'm trying to be cool about it, but when I'm sitting at home alone on Saturday night, twiddling my thumbs, or going to a movie by myself (which I enjoy but still), I feel like kind of a sad and pathetic individual.

The other problem, and one that I've talked about with her before, is that as much as long distance is pretty much ok with me on a day to day basis, it's hard to be attached and not have the other half of my attachment here. Sometimes it sucks to watch people be all happy and dating and meeting people, and feeling sad that the Affianced is elsewhere. It's all temporary, and we'll be in the same location and probably sick of each other before you know it, but it's sad right now. I wish I had someone to take me out.

He and I were talking recently, and I told him that I wanted to go on more dates. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Well," I told him, "I guess a date could me a couple things. It could be where we dress up nicely and go out. Or it could be when one of us plans the evening without the others input for a bit of a surprise." Not that we don't, you know, go out when we're together, but I think the thing is, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I do want to be treated like a girl. Not often. But sometimes. Generally speaking, I love the egalitarian way we handle things, and we're so "well-suited," as Ann would put it, that we rarely disagree about what to do. But it would be nice, sometime, if he (or I, because I can take responsibility, too), makes a plan and takes charge of the evening, and it isn't so...equal. Just to keep things interesting.

Thusly have I pondered on this fine evening. And now, in order to get up super early to get to the gym before the random assignment I must complete for work at 9:00 tomorrow morning, I must head in the direction of the bed.

Tomorrow is our chili cook-off, for which I have found a recipe for pumpkin-turkey chili. I am counting on creativity points. Wish me luck!