Identity Crisis

I started grad school this summer at William and Mary. I'm also working 20 hours a week at the Center for Gifted Education, a fantastic gold star for the resume (not to mention they're paying a good chunk of my tuition...). When I walked in on my first day, aside from being thrown into the melee of a conference for hundreds of teachers that the Center was running, I also made the decision to introduce myself as Rebecca. It made sense -- when I taught at Clinton Middle School last year, whenever anyone there referred to me by anything other than Ms. Walter, it was always Rebecca. And, you know, Becky is the name of a kid. Rebecca sounds more mature, and makes sense to use professionally.

Right, brilliant. Identity crisis ensues.

I answer the phone at work and forget that my name is now Rebecca. I accidentally introduce myself to 1 of 17 presenters at a conference as Becky, and I feel warm and fuzzy with the familiarity, but slightly worried that someone will call me out on it. People call out to me from inside their offices at the Center, and I don't realize they're talking to me when they call "Rebecca." And then, I realized that 75% of the people in my classes this semester (at which I made the conscious decision to be the less formal "Becky"), also work with me at the Center. So then I become that annoying person who can't answer the question "But what do you prefer to be called?"

Even now, I start a new blog, and it asks me what name I want to post under. Oh man. I was tempted to call myself something neutral, like "Woman," "Hildegaard von Bingen" or "Hey You". I think I settled on Rebecca M. I felt relief, however, when I realized that blog-setting-up decision was changeable, like the title.

Oh, yes, the title. I sat at my desk staring at the hole in the leg of my jeans for a full five minutes trying to decide what to call this little adventure. I envy those people who have the dedication to stick to blogs with a purpose. Like the restaurant reviewers, or the political commentators (who bore me to tears, but hey, at least they have a purpose), or even Mom, who can keep a kind of religious "musings with Jesus" theme going in her blog. But I don't have a theme. I can't think of anything important enough to me that I could weave it throughout a long sequence of postings.

So I went to thesaurus.com and searched the synonyms for "miscellaneous." You know, as in, "Becky's Page of Miscellanea" (this was, literally, the name of my webpage that I created in 8th grade when I taught myself HTML and was hosted by geocities in Vienna/Strasse...oh, the good old days!). But as I thought about it, that just seemed like advertising my indecision and lack of overarching life philosophy. What's a girl to do?

Flight of the Conchords.

I knew the boys would inspire me. The first song on the CD that Andy, my fiance burned for me, which I assume is called "Part Time Model", includes a line that says something to the effect of, "You're the most beautiful girl in the whole wide room." Perfect. Vague, witty, and uncommitted to anything.

I am a little nervous about this blog. As I previously mentioned, my mother just started her own missive in cyberspace, which, if not overbearing, is at least slightly theological in nature. I hope I don't offend her with my wild, worldly, and sometimes nonCatholic ideas.

I guess we'll see how it all goes. And perhaps, more importantly, if I become at all regular in posting. My old online journal was sadly neglected. I'm hoping the pretty template for this blog will keep me engaged a bit more consistently.