How Did You Choose That Topic?

Today, as many have before, my roommate was asking me about my thesis. When I told her that I was doing a study on the school experiences of gifted/GLBTQ (that's gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and queer/questioning) students, she asked me that question I kind of dread: "How did you choose that topic?"

Now, I don't generally have a problem with people mistaking me for being homosexual -- not that I think it happens often, but because of this project, and the paper I wrote for my children's literature class last semester about homosexuality in young adult lit, I assume it happens sometimes. My roommate told me today that she wondered when she saw all the research books I had scattered around the apartment when she moved in. What does bother me a little, however, is that I don't have a really good reason to give people when they asked why I chose the topic.

I find the question of gender really interesting. I think that's one reason that homosexuality is such an intriguing topic to me -- traditionally it's very wrapped up in the questions of gender and gender identity. What makes us female and male? What dictates who we are attracted to? Is it nature or nurture (or some combination)? It's so interesting, because thinking about gender in new ways, and considering issues such as transsexualism (where a person believes they are born into the body of the wrong gender) really forces us to question what we assume about who we are and the categories we put people into. It forces us to question human nature, inasmuch as we think of gender as intrinsically linked to identity, which I think most people do.

In my research, one of the complaints that arises among GLBTQ students is that teachers and schools promulgate heteronormativity, or the idea that heterosexuality is the norm. This is shown in everything from referencing students' "Moms and Dads,"to creating story problems that fall along gender lines (Mary bakes cookies and John plays football), to failing to mention the fact that many famous people throughout history were homosexual. One of the reasons I'm tied to this population of students, the ones who are gifted and GLTBQ, is that I cannot imagine sitting in school, especially during middle school, and knowing you are gay and never ever seeing or hearing about anyone like you in the curriculum. Ever. Throw together being a sexual minority with being a nerd, and you've got a double dose of "differentness."

I think that as far as minorities go, sexual minorities currently have the short end of the stick, because not too many people are focused on sticking up for them. I feel like society has thrown the issues of gender and race to the forefront of conversations about equality, but there's still this huge culture of silence surrounding homosexuality and other sexual minority issues. No one wants to talk about it.

But I do. I think I'm interested in it because no one talks about it. It's taboo.

I met my first homosexual friends in high school. Up until that point, I was of the opinion that we "love the sinner, hate the sin." After I met a couple of dear friends who were homosexual, and after they told me their stories, I completely changed my mind. I believe, with certainty, that there is nothing abnormal or sinful or wrong with homosexuality. There are some lifestyle choices traditionally associated with homosexuality that I'm not a huge fan of (such as promiscuity), but that aside, I cannot believe that anyone's choice of sexual partner is a morally wrong. It's my personal belief, and I know that others hold different ones, and that's ok. But my own change in opinion is what got me interested in the topic, I think.

And of course, the other part of me, the part that has to, you know, write the thesis, says, "Who cares why you think it's interesting? Be thankful you like it enough to finish a major project on it." I am.

Alone

I've said it before and I'll say it again...On a day to day basis, I don't mind doing the long-distance thing. I'm grateful that things between the Affianced and I are such that we can trust and respect each other enough to be in different states without any kind of crises. But there are times, like tonight, when people were over visiting and playing games, and then left in pairs, or when I see new lovey-dovey relationships sprouting up around me, when I feel lonely. I mean, the lovey-doviness kind of makes me want to barf, and I truly appreciate and I truly do enjoy my alone time so I can regroup...but there's a part of me that wishes I didn't have to sit around here alone at the end of each day. It sucks not to have another presence in the apartment, now that my roommate is essentially living with her boyfriend. And it sucks to be the person who is in a couple, but not be able to actually be in a couple here.

Just a little self-pity. But hey, it beats having a random stroke, going into a coma, and waking up, only to find that the only functioning muscle in your body is your eye, and then having to develop a system of communication through blinking. (I saw The Diving Bell and the Butterfly last night. Sad.)

Birthday goodness

This weekend was my birthday, and what a birthday it was. Kathryn's birthday was also last week -- Thursday -- and so she and I arranged our own birthday party at the beach! We drove down to Virginia Beach for the night, got a couple of hotel rooms, and had a grand old time with a few of our friends!

When we arrived, Dan and Kathryn and I took a long walk down the beach, which was windy and colder than we had hoped, but lovely nonetheless. Soon afterwards, Dave and Eric arrived, and we went out for dinner at an AMAZING pizza restaurant called Pi-zzeria. One particular combination of gorgonzola, pine nuts, and spinach was especially delicious. As was the sangria.

After dinner, we went a bought Apples to Apples and just hung out in the hotel room playing games and drinking "juice." I was stunned at how well everyone got along and how much fun it was, since it was, in some ways, a new combination of people. But everyone was in really good spirits, got along really well, and it was incredibly fun.

The next morning, we went out for breakfast at a local diner, and then drove home. Later that afternoon, we went to see "Smart People," which was sub-par, and then we took the ferry to Surry and ate at the Surry House, a cute little family-type restaurant with good Southern food. Surry was a cute little town, and very reminiscent of the midwest.

I went to bed on my birthday night totally satisfied and grateful for my friends. It was a wonderful day! Pictures to come when I gank them from Dan.

Good news!

Good things have happened today:

1. I was told that I could work a few extra hours at the Center this summer. This is HUGE because they pay well and this means I can scrap the idea of getting another job, and STILL have my weekends off to go to the beach. Word.

2. I got my Virginia Teacher Certificate. This is less huge, but buys me time to figure out the grand scheme of things in terms of where the Affianced and I will end up post grad school. I now have five years to figure out my teaching future before I have to take more action. Awesome.

Unfortunately, now I have a presentation to give in class. That is not awesome.

Decisions: The Root of All Evil vs. Mental Health

I know that money is not everything. I also know, however, that I am feeling a little poor right now and that the thought of having more money is tempting.

This summer, I have a couple of things set in stone. 1) I have to take two classes that will go from mid-May until the end of June. 2) I will be working at least 20 hours a week at the Center, doing a continuation of school-year stuff. Now, the Center pays well -- about twice what I would make doing your average run of the mill retail job. However, the hours I am scheduled to work there this summer will still only cover my rent and tuition, leaving me to live of money I have stashed away in savings unless I get another, part-time job to supplement.

The question is whether I will actually have a nice, mentally healthy summer if I do so. Now, I know that 10 hours a week behind a cash register at the bookstore is nothing tragic, but am I going to feel totally burnt out if I do that in addition to the Center and classes? Furthermore, I think that my classes this summer are going to be pretty easy...but what if they're not? Then I'll have shot myself in the foot, struggling to do a lot of extra schoolwork on top of work-for-money.

I'm just not sure whether I want to apply to get another job for the spending money, or just say to heck with it and live off my savings (frugally, of course), and have a good, quasi-restful summer.

Like a Student...

...Oh! Working for the very first time.

Although I would not go so far as to say that my graduate school experience has suddenly become full of fulfilling work and assignments, I will give it credit for attacking me from all sides at once and, finally, making me feel busy. This is what being a student feels like -- too much to do, not enough time to do it, making time management an absolute necessity. Next week, I have something due in every class, plus my own personal goal of getting a hefty chunk of my thesis done (the ever dreaded Lit Review). I have to admit, despite the slight feeling of floundering in the insanity, I kind of like where things are right now. I'm diving into academia at the moment, putting together two papers and two presentations, and making something useful (if for a brief time) out of this relatively useless experience.

Yesterday at work, we had a "celebration lunch" for "all that we've accomplished over the past semester." It was nice to NOT be at work for a couple hours, yet still with work people. Also, Dr. Van Tassel-Baska, the head honcho, was there, and she mentioned to me the prize that I had won -- the "Award for Excellence in Gifted Education (Master's)." She wanted to make sure I had gotten the invitation to the ceremony, etc. I still haven't gotten any kind of description of what the award is -- how they choose people, what they look for, etc -- but I am pleased to be recognized. AND, the award has money attached. Which hadn't even occurred to me, but was the first question everyone else asks. I don't know how much, but I will gladly accept it. It does, I have to admit, make me feel good to be picked out for the work I've done here, since I do feel I have academic potential, even if it's not being fully recognized.

Alas, time now to jump into that student thing.