I had a relapse in my wedding photos obsession this week. So I made a slideshow. I think I am now cured.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I like being Catholic...usually.
So, I consider myself a relatively liberal Catholic, but a Catholic nonetheless. My mom's is Catholic, my dad agreed to raise us as such, and my upbringing in my lovely little church at home in Ohio was a good one -- it's full of good people and good memories.
Yesterday, however, Andy and I were at Mass, and all was going well...until the homily took a political turn. Which is a red flag/flashing danger sign for sure. In the near future in Vermont (our current home state), this is a vote on whether gay/lesbian couples will be allowed to enter into marriages. Now, it is no secret to me that the Church is against marriage being anything other than one man, one woman, and it is something that I have accepted that I will just have to disagree on, but the tone of the sermon (by our priest who I really do like) was pretty negative. He used phrases such as "under a mistaken notion of equality" (which I'm sure he would also use if I argued that women should be priests), and at the very end, got very negative when he warned that if this were passed, "they" would demand that a priest marry them as their "right," and then priests would be considered civil disobedients and put in jail.
Now, I won't disagree that that might happen -- I know enough about Civil Rights movements to know that testing those limits is part and parcel of the struggle. But the characterizations that gay and lesbian people are out to jail the clergy is, I think, wrong. And I have to imagine that even if this passed, it would be pertaining to marriage in a civil sense. I don't think that they could force religious to change their views and perform sacraments that the religion doesn't believe are valid. Perhaps I'm naive, but I do have a certain amount of faith in the separation of church and state.
As my Dad always says, "If you're going to be Catholic, be Catholic." I have to disagree with him. I'm willing to take some bad with the good. But for the longest time, I had no framework for my gut feeling that homosexuality is NOT a sin, despite the fact that I consider myself to be a Catholic. I got one last year at Pre-Cana, however. At one point, our leader was talking about a formation of conscience, and how we have to pray about things we are unsure about, and allow our conscience to form. I think that my opinions about homosexuality have really developed under such a model. I know that the Church finds it wrong. I really feel in my heart, however, that is isn't. I'm suspicious of all the talk of a "natural order," when homosexual beings have been around since the beginning of time, and I'm not convinced that the ability to procreate has to be a criteria for "natural." I just can't wrap my head around that.
I'm hopeful, despite the horror that the diocese is feeling, that this particular issue changes to allow homosexual marriage, although I would also hope that church opinions would be respected, and that no clergy would be forced to perform any actions against his beliefs. I guess we'll see how it turns out.
Yesterday, however, Andy and I were at Mass, and all was going well...until the homily took a political turn. Which is a red flag/flashing danger sign for sure. In the near future in Vermont (our current home state), this is a vote on whether gay/lesbian couples will be allowed to enter into marriages. Now, it is no secret to me that the Church is against marriage being anything other than one man, one woman, and it is something that I have accepted that I will just have to disagree on, but the tone of the sermon (by our priest who I really do like) was pretty negative. He used phrases such as "under a mistaken notion of equality" (which I'm sure he would also use if I argued that women should be priests), and at the very end, got very negative when he warned that if this were passed, "they" would demand that a priest marry them as their "right," and then priests would be considered civil disobedients and put in jail.
Now, I won't disagree that that might happen -- I know enough about Civil Rights movements to know that testing those limits is part and parcel of the struggle. But the characterizations that gay and lesbian people are out to jail the clergy is, I think, wrong. And I have to imagine that even if this passed, it would be pertaining to marriage in a civil sense. I don't think that they could force religious to change their views and perform sacraments that the religion doesn't believe are valid. Perhaps I'm naive, but I do have a certain amount of faith in the separation of church and state.
As my Dad always says, "If you're going to be Catholic, be Catholic." I have to disagree with him. I'm willing to take some bad with the good. But for the longest time, I had no framework for my gut feeling that homosexuality is NOT a sin, despite the fact that I consider myself to be a Catholic. I got one last year at Pre-Cana, however. At one point, our leader was talking about a formation of conscience, and how we have to pray about things we are unsure about, and allow our conscience to form. I think that my opinions about homosexuality have really developed under such a model. I know that the Church finds it wrong. I really feel in my heart, however, that is isn't. I'm suspicious of all the talk of a "natural order," when homosexual beings have been around since the beginning of time, and I'm not convinced that the ability to procreate has to be a criteria for "natural." I just can't wrap my head around that.
I'm hopeful, despite the horror that the diocese is feeling, that this particular issue changes to allow homosexual marriage, although I would also hope that church opinions would be respected, and that no clergy would be forced to perform any actions against his beliefs. I guess we'll see how it turns out.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Academia
A few weeks ago, I got a hankering for academia, and e-mailed my adviser from my master's program asking if she would second-author my thesis if I worked on turning it into a journal article for publication. She of course agreed, and told me to send her a draft when I had one.
I've been dragging my feet for weeks on said pare-down, and with good reason. It's a major undertaking, at least in theory -- the thesis was 100 pages plus, and a journal article needs to be around 20 to be submitted. I was dreading the task, but when the star aligned and I got a full weekend off from my part-time job, I figured it was a sign that I should probably take the plunge.
After hemming and hawing all day yesterday, I got up early this morning, and holed up in a nice little coffee shop with an espresso-laden drink that gave me the shakes, and a great soundtrack of 1940s music that they had playing. And about half an hour in, I found myself really enjoying my work, and missing academia. What I was doing was, for the most part, academia-light, but I loved being immersed in my research again, and putting together something that might (fingers-crossed) be put out there for other teachers/researchers/academics.
I got accepted into UVM for their MAT program for next year. This is a part of the hoop-jumping I have to go through to be a real live certified teacher. Part of me is excited, and part of me is groaning internally. This kind of writing and research won't be involved, and I know going in what to (generally) expect. But it WILL be learning, nonetheless, with people who want to learn and discuss and improve their teaching, and that, at least, will be mentally stimulating to a degree. But today's work has started a twinkle within me to think about doing the Ph. D. thing in the future...maybe even in education, which I swore up and down that I would never do. I guess the distance I have from last year has given me a little perspective...but I would still have a lot of mental convincing to go.
I've been dragging my feet for weeks on said pare-down, and with good reason. It's a major undertaking, at least in theory -- the thesis was 100 pages plus, and a journal article needs to be around 20 to be submitted. I was dreading the task, but when the star aligned and I got a full weekend off from my part-time job, I figured it was a sign that I should probably take the plunge.
After hemming and hawing all day yesterday, I got up early this morning, and holed up in a nice little coffee shop with an espresso-laden drink that gave me the shakes, and a great soundtrack of 1940s music that they had playing. And about half an hour in, I found myself really enjoying my work, and missing academia. What I was doing was, for the most part, academia-light, but I loved being immersed in my research again, and putting together something that might (fingers-crossed) be put out there for other teachers/researchers/academics.
I got accepted into UVM for their MAT program for next year. This is a part of the hoop-jumping I have to go through to be a real live certified teacher. Part of me is excited, and part of me is groaning internally. This kind of writing and research won't be involved, and I know going in what to (generally) expect. But it WILL be learning, nonetheless, with people who want to learn and discuss and improve their teaching, and that, at least, will be mentally stimulating to a degree. But today's work has started a twinkle within me to think about doing the Ph. D. thing in the future...maybe even in education, which I swore up and down that I would never do. I guess the distance I have from last year has given me a little perspective...but I would still have a lot of mental convincing to go.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Rubik's Cube
I have a new addiction. It is the Rubik's Cube.
My officemate, Rachel, spent some time a couple years ago recovering form a surgery, and in that time, she learned how to solve the Rubik's Cube. After a quick lesson and some tips on how to solve the first face, I was hooked.
I bought my own cube last week, and have dedicated at least an hour or two a night to it. I spent my whole planning period Monday maneuvering tiny plastic blocks. Before this obsession, I liked to fancy that I had some semblence of spatial intelligence. I have quickly learned that I don't. At least not this kind.
Today, however, after several days of stuck-ness, I solved two layers of the cube. If you orient the cube so that the top is one color, then the top and middle layer are also solved. Life is sweet.
Only 25 more hours to go, I'm betting. On the bright side, I have a plane ride ahead of me on Friday.
My officemate, Rachel, spent some time a couple years ago recovering form a surgery, and in that time, she learned how to solve the Rubik's Cube. After a quick lesson and some tips on how to solve the first face, I was hooked.
I bought my own cube last week, and have dedicated at least an hour or two a night to it. I spent my whole planning period Monday maneuvering tiny plastic blocks. Before this obsession, I liked to fancy that I had some semblence of spatial intelligence. I have quickly learned that I don't. At least not this kind.
Today, however, after several days of stuck-ness, I solved two layers of the cube. If you orient the cube so that the top is one color, then the top and middle layer are also solved. Life is sweet.
Only 25 more hours to go, I'm betting. On the bright side, I have a plane ride ahead of me on Friday.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Balance
I just started a part-time weekend job, since I was feeling the crunch of not saving much this year. It's really pithy money, but makes me feel good to have an extra $50 every couple weeks to stash away. And the discount doesn't hurt, either.
I worked two days this weekend, and I don't remember loving retail this much! When I was at Penney's in high school, it was torture -- probably because I was overworked. But this job at Eddie Bauer is great. It feels so relaxing, and relatively carefree, and no ones lives or futures hang in the balance of my every decision. (Not that I dislike my other job where that IS the case, but the break is nice.)
I was feeling a little melancholy post-wedding, because all of my time which had been sucked into wedding planning was free and I didn't know what to do with it. This job is part of the solution; so was joining the gym, and deciding to do some work on my thesis to get it published in a journal. I think that staying busy is the key for me. I do better at getting things done when I have more to manage. In college, I was never so productive with getting my work done as when I spent 20 hours a week marching with the back and had to work around that.
I think that's an important thing to know about yourself, the right balance to staying sane. I get tempted to "take it easy" sometimes (and that's important!), but I really am happiest when I have a lot to do.
I worked two days this weekend, and I don't remember loving retail this much! When I was at Penney's in high school, it was torture -- probably because I was overworked. But this job at Eddie Bauer is great. It feels so relaxing, and relatively carefree, and no ones lives or futures hang in the balance of my every decision. (Not that I dislike my other job where that IS the case, but the break is nice.)
I was feeling a little melancholy post-wedding, because all of my time which had been sucked into wedding planning was free and I didn't know what to do with it. This job is part of the solution; so was joining the gym, and deciding to do some work on my thesis to get it published in a journal. I think that staying busy is the key for me. I do better at getting things done when I have more to manage. In college, I was never so productive with getting my work done as when I spent 20 hours a week marching with the back and had to work around that.
I think that's an important thing to know about yourself, the right balance to staying sane. I get tempted to "take it easy" sometimes (and that's important!), but I really am happiest when I have a lot to do.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My Thing
Today after work, we had a meeting about professional development, and it was a real thinker for me. A couple things happened. First, we had to brainstorm our strengths and weaknesses, and share them with a group. I ended up in a weird group of people that I'm not sure really like me.
Sidebar: I've having an identity crisis at work. Everyone there is very Vermonty and sporty and outdoorsy, and while I admire that at all, it just so not me. I'm trying to figure out where I fit in socially, and I'm having a hard time. I have one good friend at work, which is nice, but then when she branches out and appears to be making friends with other people, I have panic attacks of "Wait, why don't those people like me? Why are they fascinated with her? What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone stop by MY room to chat?" (For the record, I know this is crazy and over-analytical and unhealthy thinking.) So, my theory this week has been to de-stress. I hang in my room, I don't lurk, I get my stuff done, and if socialization happens, it does and at least I'm being authentic and not trying to nose my way into friendships.
Back to today. So I end up in a group of the most outdoorsy and optimistic Vermonters of them all. They are both lovely people, but they're good friends, and I feel, as I've been saying for weeks, that they're just not my people. We have to share our strengths and weaknesses, and comment on each other and how we see them working with students (in a positive affirming way -- this is not as scary as it sounds), so I share with them that I think my strengths lie in the academic: I get how to plan a unit, follow it through, and assess my kids. On the other hand, I suck as working in community and connecting content to real life, which these two are rock-stars at doing.
Their feedback is all positive: "Great job being self-reflective...I think you're very creative with the kids, and you're theatrical! You should add that to the list." But when it gets to be their turn, the discussion centers around their thing.
At our workplace, it is natural for people to fall into a niche, a place where they belong in which they can thrive and share with the community. One guy is the film guy. One guy is the gardening/composting guy. A couple guys are the music guys, and a couple are lit guys. One girl is the artsy girl, another guy is a culinary guy. I desperately want a thing, and these two had them -- outdoorsy rec team-building and literature/speech. And I was left with a vague sense of "Where do I fit in?"
Immediately after that discussion, one of the program directors mentioned that she was starting a group after school that was going to be run like a college class, with journal reading, reflections, and writing assignments. Well, sign me up! I jumped all over that. She also mentioned an aside about how she was thinking about putting together a research piece for a periodical, and I jumped on that as well, approaching her afterward to offer to do research or write protocols or analyze data, etc. This is what I'm good at...unfortunately, it in no way affects our kids, because I can't teach them to be in college classes or write hard-core academic articles. And even if I could...how boring would that be?
So the good for today was the opportunity to participate in some academic stuff in the near future. The negative was realizing that I don't have a niche at work, and, even more depressing, I have no concept of what that niche might be. Part of the issue is that through a lack of communication, they hired me as a math/science teacher (ugh), and as a compromise are letting me teach English and Social Studies, meaning I am, once again, the jack of all trades without an opportunity to specialize in anything.
I guess I should brainstorm a list of "Things I Like to Do and Could Share with Kids." Maybe that will be an upcoming blog entry...
Sidebar: I've having an identity crisis at work. Everyone there is very Vermonty and sporty and outdoorsy, and while I admire that at all, it just so not me. I'm trying to figure out where I fit in socially, and I'm having a hard time. I have one good friend at work, which is nice, but then when she branches out and appears to be making friends with other people, I have panic attacks of "Wait, why don't those people like me? Why are they fascinated with her? What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone stop by MY room to chat?" (For the record, I know this is crazy and over-analytical and unhealthy thinking.) So, my theory this week has been to de-stress. I hang in my room, I don't lurk, I get my stuff done, and if socialization happens, it does and at least I'm being authentic and not trying to nose my way into friendships.
Back to today. So I end up in a group of the most outdoorsy and optimistic Vermonters of them all. They are both lovely people, but they're good friends, and I feel, as I've been saying for weeks, that they're just not my people. We have to share our strengths and weaknesses, and comment on each other and how we see them working with students (in a positive affirming way -- this is not as scary as it sounds), so I share with them that I think my strengths lie in the academic: I get how to plan a unit, follow it through, and assess my kids. On the other hand, I suck as working in community and connecting content to real life, which these two are rock-stars at doing.
Their feedback is all positive: "Great job being self-reflective...I think you're very creative with the kids, and you're theatrical! You should add that to the list." But when it gets to be their turn, the discussion centers around their thing.
At our workplace, it is natural for people to fall into a niche, a place where they belong in which they can thrive and share with the community. One guy is the film guy. One guy is the gardening/composting guy. A couple guys are the music guys, and a couple are lit guys. One girl is the artsy girl, another guy is a culinary guy. I desperately want a thing, and these two had them -- outdoorsy rec team-building and literature/speech. And I was left with a vague sense of "Where do I fit in?"
Immediately after that discussion, one of the program directors mentioned that she was starting a group after school that was going to be run like a college class, with journal reading, reflections, and writing assignments. Well, sign me up! I jumped all over that. She also mentioned an aside about how she was thinking about putting together a research piece for a periodical, and I jumped on that as well, approaching her afterward to offer to do research or write protocols or analyze data, etc. This is what I'm good at...unfortunately, it in no way affects our kids, because I can't teach them to be in college classes or write hard-core academic articles. And even if I could...how boring would that be?
So the good for today was the opportunity to participate in some academic stuff in the near future. The negative was realizing that I don't have a niche at work, and, even more depressing, I have no concept of what that niche might be. Part of the issue is that through a lack of communication, they hired me as a math/science teacher (ugh), and as a compromise are letting me teach English and Social Studies, meaning I am, once again, the jack of all trades without an opportunity to specialize in anything.
I guess I should brainstorm a list of "Things I Like to Do and Could Share with Kids." Maybe that will be an upcoming blog entry...
SAD
There is a part of me that is really enjoying the snow this year. It's been a long time since I've dealt with the fluffy white stuff, and I did miss it.
But now, I'm done. I still like the snow alright, but I despise the fact that I cannot do anything outside (without bundling up and purchasing expensive winter-sports equipment). I am going stir crazy, and I desperately need a snow day (for sleep and rejuvenation) or spring. Nothing else will do.
I think it's just also that time of year when things are just blah. I feel blah. I'm excited to visit home in a couple weeks. Home may also be blah, but is it blah with comfort.
But now, I'm done. I still like the snow alright, but I despise the fact that I cannot do anything outside (without bundling up and purchasing expensive winter-sports equipment). I am going stir crazy, and I desperately need a snow day (for sleep and rejuvenation) or spring. Nothing else will do.
I think it's just also that time of year when things are just blah. I feel blah. I'm excited to visit home in a couple weeks. Home may also be blah, but is it blah with comfort.
Monday, February 2, 2009
It Takes a Village
There was a message board I frequented during wedding called Indiebride. One of the threads on this message board is filled mostly with "wedding recaps," in which recently-married brides post pictures and gush about how awesome their wedding was. I love this thread.
Recently, there was a woman who titled her post, "It takes a village...to have a wedding." She was talking about how she and her husband asked their friends and family to pitch in with talents to help pull off the wedding in lieu of gifts. It was such a nice idea, and I've been meditating on this recently.
Our wedding was not quite as "takes a village" as this other brides, but I did have a lot of help, and it really means a lot to me. But even beyond this, I have been thinking lately about wedding gifts. I know this sounds materialistic, and it is, and they are, but I've also been having a really lovely time over the past month thinking of the people who gave us our gifts as we've been using them. When I used my new cutting boards, I think of Mandy and Kathryn. When I sleep between our new sheets, I think of Frank and Aunt Mary. When I use my Kitchenaid mixer, I think of my aunts and uncles on Mom's side. And when I drink out of our new glasses, I think of Abby. When I used our new serving platter for our Superbowl party the other day, I thought of Brenda. Etc, etc.
I'm so grateful to have the amazing groups of friends and family that I do, and I'm reminded of them and their generosity and well-wishes every day. It's so nice!
Recently, there was a woman who titled her post, "It takes a village...to have a wedding." She was talking about how she and her husband asked their friends and family to pitch in with talents to help pull off the wedding in lieu of gifts. It was such a nice idea, and I've been meditating on this recently.
Our wedding was not quite as "takes a village" as this other brides, but I did have a lot of help, and it really means a lot to me. But even beyond this, I have been thinking lately about wedding gifts. I know this sounds materialistic, and it is, and they are, but I've also been having a really lovely time over the past month thinking of the people who gave us our gifts as we've been using them. When I used my new cutting boards, I think of Mandy and Kathryn. When I sleep between our new sheets, I think of Frank and Aunt Mary. When I use my Kitchenaid mixer, I think of my aunts and uncles on Mom's side. And when I drink out of our new glasses, I think of Abby. When I used our new serving platter for our Superbowl party the other day, I thought of Brenda. Etc, etc.
I'm so grateful to have the amazing groups of friends and family that I do, and I'm reminded of them and their generosity and well-wishes every day. It's so nice!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
25 Things About Me
This meme has been flying around on facebook, and I figured I may as well post it here as well. It was a good opportunity for some self-reflection:
1) I love food. I also love cooking and baking, thankfully.
2) I am extremely thankful that my parents raised us Catholic. I have a couple major beefs with the Catholic church (including their stand on homosexuality and women in the priesthood), but my faith has been a big part of my life.
3) I crochet, and have gotten to the point where I can create things like sweaters and stuffed animals. Huge move from the old scarf rut.
4) I'm terrible at bowling...and I love it.
5) My life was empty before I began sleeping under an electric blanket.
6) I'm in the midst of a Vermont winter, and while it is causing a slight touch of SAD, I really am enjoying the snow after several years in the south.
7) Speaking of the south, I will never live there again.
8) I love my job teaching at an alternative high school. I think I have found my calling.
9) I think that doing good in the world is really important, but I hate when people get mushy about doing service. I don't want to reflect, I want to take action.
10) I must wear a watch at all times. I get extremely anxious if the time is not readily available.
11) I give blood regularly. I am type A+.
12) I want a Ph. D., but don't have any topic I like well enough to dedicate that much of my time and energy to.
13) When I was younger, I wanted to be a genetic counselor when I grew up. One semester of college chem changed my mind, but I still think it would be a cool job, and I'm not convinced you need the high-level science knowledge to perform it.
14) I miss my old SLR camera.
15) I always considered (and still do) myself to be very independent, which is why I felt cool traipsing around to places like Ireland, Australia, Lousiana, Virginia, and Vermont. Now that I'm an adult, thought, I totally get why people want to live close to family. I miss my zany parents and my brothers.
16) I don't do musical snobbery. I like to listen to music, and I certainly have my faves, but I hate sitting in on conversations where people just spit out hundreds of names of bands and artists and everyone else nods and "yeah!"s with great emphasis. I could also really care less about live music in general. I mean, if someone good is playing, cool, but "It has live music!" is not an advantage of a bar/restaurant for me.
17) I love trivia. Andy and I are well on our way to memorizing the deck of the 1981 Genus edition of Trivial Pursuit. We also watch Jeopardy nightly.
18) I am extremely grateful that my husband is intelligent in ways that are different from me.
19) For the first time in my life, I really GET the idea of multiple intelligences and see it playing around me daily. I mean, I understood it before, but didn't really see the true worth in the intelligences that weren't the typical school ones (i.e. linguistic and logical/mathematical). In my current job, however, there are teachers and students who blow me away with the combinations of intelligences they possess, and I think they're all amazing in the ways they work together to get things done.
20) I tap-danced for 11 years.
21) When I watch a stage performance, especially a musical, I feel a swelling in my chest and feel as if I will burst. I'm pretty sure that given the right circumstances, I could have been an amazing stage actress in musical theater.
22) I agonized for months over whether to change my name when I got married. I think I made a good choice.
23) I don't believe in soulmates or The One.
24) I address my parents by their first name.
25) I desperately wish I had a sewing machine and knew how to use one. My craftiness productivity would skyrocket.
1) I love food. I also love cooking and baking, thankfully.
2) I am extremely thankful that my parents raised us Catholic. I have a couple major beefs with the Catholic church (including their stand on homosexuality and women in the priesthood), but my faith has been a big part of my life.
3) I crochet, and have gotten to the point where I can create things like sweaters and stuffed animals. Huge move from the old scarf rut.
4) I'm terrible at bowling...and I love it.
5) My life was empty before I began sleeping under an electric blanket.
6) I'm in the midst of a Vermont winter, and while it is causing a slight touch of SAD, I really am enjoying the snow after several years in the south.
7) Speaking of the south, I will never live there again.
8) I love my job teaching at an alternative high school. I think I have found my calling.
9) I think that doing good in the world is really important, but I hate when people get mushy about doing service. I don't want to reflect, I want to take action.
10) I must wear a watch at all times. I get extremely anxious if the time is not readily available.
11) I give blood regularly. I am type A+.
12) I want a Ph. D., but don't have any topic I like well enough to dedicate that much of my time and energy to.
13) When I was younger, I wanted to be a genetic counselor when I grew up. One semester of college chem changed my mind, but I still think it would be a cool job, and I'm not convinced you need the high-level science knowledge to perform it.
14) I miss my old SLR camera.
15) I always considered (and still do) myself to be very independent, which is why I felt cool traipsing around to places like Ireland, Australia, Lousiana, Virginia, and Vermont. Now that I'm an adult, thought, I totally get why people want to live close to family. I miss my zany parents and my brothers.
16) I don't do musical snobbery. I like to listen to music, and I certainly have my faves, but I hate sitting in on conversations where people just spit out hundreds of names of bands and artists and everyone else nods and "yeah!"s with great emphasis. I could also really care less about live music in general. I mean, if someone good is playing, cool, but "It has live music!" is not an advantage of a bar/restaurant for me.
17) I love trivia. Andy and I are well on our way to memorizing the deck of the 1981 Genus edition of Trivial Pursuit. We also watch Jeopardy nightly.
18) I am extremely grateful that my husband is intelligent in ways that are different from me.
19) For the first time in my life, I really GET the idea of multiple intelligences and see it playing around me daily. I mean, I understood it before, but didn't really see the true worth in the intelligences that weren't the typical school ones (i.e. linguistic and logical/mathematical). In my current job, however, there are teachers and students who blow me away with the combinations of intelligences they possess, and I think they're all amazing in the ways they work together to get things done.
20) I tap-danced for 11 years.
21) When I watch a stage performance, especially a musical, I feel a swelling in my chest and feel as if I will burst. I'm pretty sure that given the right circumstances, I could have been an amazing stage actress in musical theater.
22) I agonized for months over whether to change my name when I got married. I think I made a good choice.
23) I don't believe in soulmates or The One.
24) I address my parents by their first name.
25) I desperately wish I had a sewing machine and knew how to use one. My craftiness productivity would skyrocket.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I shall call you by a new name
I have a new name.
Those of you who keep up with the blog (all three of you) know that for some time before the wedding, the question of the name change was The Big Looming Question. Should I keep my name out of principle (i.e. Why should I have to change it when he doesn't?) or hyphenate as a nod toward having a family name and, ultimately, sharing a name with my children? Taking his name and dropping my own was never an option.
About three weeks before the weekend, after literally a year or more of waffling, I decided to hyphenate.
After a wedding in VT, you have to wait a bit to get your marriage certificate from the country clerk before you can get the name-change ball rolling. Ours came while we were away for the honeymoon, and since then, I've been chipping away at all the people who need to know my new name. Social security first, then bank, driver's license, etc. It's a process that, although time-consuming, I have not found to be troublesome in any way. It's one of those situations where people do this all the time, and it turns out that the world is pretty good at handling the steps.
The strange part is getting used to the new name. I don't feel absolutely wild about it, although I still feel good about the decision. But it's strange to call a place of business, like the gym where I want to get a membership, or my insurance company, and begin with, "Hi, my name is Rebecca Wxxxxx-Pxxxxx..." instead of just "Rebecca Wxxxxx." In fact, the other day I forgot my new name, used my old one, and when the woman went to look me up in the computer, I had to sheepishly correct her. It felt like I was committing fraud and didn't completely memorize the information from the person whose identity I was stealing.
And then there's the issue of just stating the name for people. When I had to get a new library card, and I was asked, "And what's your name?" I replied, "Rebecca Wxxxxx hyphen Pxxxxx. P-x-x-x-x-x." I need to stop saying "hyphen" as if it is part of my name and letting people ask the questions they need, but I'm not to the point where the name feels natural enough to NOT explain it. It's as if I'm anticipating their confusion because I still feel a bit of my own.
There's a part of me that's still a little sad that I have to be the only one to go through the process. Shouldn't this process of merging into a new family be equally shared by both partners? My heart says yes, but my head, which has done a lot of genealogical research in my day, recognizes the simplicity of the patrilineal system, and can appreciate that.
I think this benefit of this whole process is to remind me that marriage is a compromise. That we're an us now, and need to think that way much of the time. It's not an easy process, especially for someone who has clung with a death grip to her independence, but the lesson is an important one.
Those of you who keep up with the blog (all three of you) know that for some time before the wedding, the question of the name change was The Big Looming Question. Should I keep my name out of principle (i.e. Why should I have to change it when he doesn't?) or hyphenate as a nod toward having a family name and, ultimately, sharing a name with my children? Taking his name and dropping my own was never an option.
About three weeks before the weekend, after literally a year or more of waffling, I decided to hyphenate.
After a wedding in VT, you have to wait a bit to get your marriage certificate from the country clerk before you can get the name-change ball rolling. Ours came while we were away for the honeymoon, and since then, I've been chipping away at all the people who need to know my new name. Social security first, then bank, driver's license, etc. It's a process that, although time-consuming, I have not found to be troublesome in any way. It's one of those situations where people do this all the time, and it turns out that the world is pretty good at handling the steps.
The strange part is getting used to the new name. I don't feel absolutely wild about it, although I still feel good about the decision. But it's strange to call a place of business, like the gym where I want to get a membership, or my insurance company, and begin with, "Hi, my name is Rebecca Wxxxxx-Pxxxxx..." instead of just "Rebecca Wxxxxx." In fact, the other day I forgot my new name, used my old one, and when the woman went to look me up in the computer, I had to sheepishly correct her. It felt like I was committing fraud and didn't completely memorize the information from the person whose identity I was stealing.
And then there's the issue of just stating the name for people. When I had to get a new library card, and I was asked, "And what's your name?" I replied, "Rebecca Wxxxxx hyphen Pxxxxx. P-x-x-x-x-x." I need to stop saying "hyphen" as if it is part of my name and letting people ask the questions they need, but I'm not to the point where the name feels natural enough to NOT explain it. It's as if I'm anticipating their confusion because I still feel a bit of my own.
There's a part of me that's still a little sad that I have to be the only one to go through the process. Shouldn't this process of merging into a new family be equally shared by both partners? My heart says yes, but my head, which has done a lot of genealogical research in my day, recognizes the simplicity of the patrilineal system, and can appreciate that.
I think this benefit of this whole process is to remind me that marriage is a compromise. That we're an us now, and need to think that way much of the time. It's not an easy process, especially for someone who has clung with a death grip to her independence, but the lesson is an important one.
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