I shall call you by a new name

I have a new name.

Those of you who keep up with the blog (all three of you) know that for some time before the wedding, the question of the name change was The Big Looming Question. Should I keep my name out of principle (i.e. Why should I have to change it when he doesn't?) or hyphenate as a nod toward having a family name and, ultimately, sharing a name with my children? Taking his name and dropping my own was never an option.

About three weeks before the weekend, after literally a year or more of waffling, I decided to hyphenate.

After a wedding in VT, you have to wait a bit to get your marriage certificate from the country clerk before you can get the name-change ball rolling. Ours came while we were away for the honeymoon, and since then, I've been chipping away at all the people who need to know my new name. Social security first, then bank, driver's license, etc. It's a process that, although time-consuming, I have not found to be troublesome in any way. It's one of those situations where people do this all the time, and it turns out that the world is pretty good at handling the steps.

The strange part is getting used to the new name. I don't feel absolutely wild about it, although I still feel good about the decision. But it's strange to call a place of business, like the gym where I want to get a membership, or my insurance company, and begin with, "Hi, my name is Rebecca Wxxxxx-Pxxxxx..." instead of just "Rebecca Wxxxxx." In fact, the other day I forgot my new name, used my old one, and when the woman went to look me up in the computer, I had to sheepishly correct her. It felt like I was committing fraud and didn't completely memorize the information from the person whose identity I was stealing.

And then there's the issue of just stating the name for people. When I had to get a new library card, and I was asked, "And what's your name?" I replied, "Rebecca Wxxxxx hyphen Pxxxxx. P-x-x-x-x-x." I need to stop saying "hyphen" as if it is part of my name and letting people ask the questions they need, but I'm not to the point where the name feels natural enough to NOT explain it. It's as if I'm anticipating their confusion because I still feel a bit of my own.

There's a part of me that's still a little sad that I have to be the only one to go through the process. Shouldn't this process of merging into a new family be equally shared by both partners? My heart says yes, but my head, which has done a lot of genealogical research in my day, recognizes the simplicity of the patrilineal system, and can appreciate that.

I think this benefit of this whole process is to remind me that marriage is a compromise. That we're an us now, and need to think that way much of the time. It's not an easy process, especially for someone who has clung with a death grip to her independence, but the lesson is an important one.